Time to Understand

DO you ever wonder what motivates people in their freedom to approach people regarding situations? I do.
I have a friend whose adult child committed suicide. Painful. Losing a child, at any time is incomprehensible to all but the unfortunate that have to experience it.

I had this habit- ritual- if you will, with all three of my babies. I would stare at their newborn to infant faces, trying to memorize them. They were so beautiful. The features, faces, fingers and breaths were such an awesome reminder of my entering into the miracle God -the creation and birthing of life. I knew more acutely with each child how,try as I may, I would never completely memorize them. That somehow they would change right before my eyes and grow. They are still beautiful to me, but they never grow as fast as the first year of life.

Anyway back to my friend. People are calling her- three months after the death of her young adult child, admitting their battles with depression.

Why? She is still hurting. She is still mourning. She does not want to counsel. She- is trying to remember everything about the time with her baby, child, teenager, young adult. She is probably yearning to look at his face, to love all over again from birth. She trying to not blame herself for decisions or interactions that might have been hurtful. Her educated head tells her it has nothing to do with her- her heart, just hurts. Needs to heal.

I know she is numb to their "needs" right now, cause it just hurts too much to go there. It just reminds me of something another friends' grandmother said, "God keeps a bottle for your tears." I believe that my friend will heal. I believe she will use that tincture from her tears to minister to others, that are emotionally or physically wounded. But for now, I pray she simply heals. That God's peace that surpasses ALL understanding envelop her. I pray that she knows the presence of the Holy Spirit anointing her for such a time as this. That as she guides other young people into their development of their called or chosen profession, she is restored with a sense of God given purpose as a healer, teacher, giver of care, lover of beauty and beautiful qualities, and as an instrument of peace.

In the midst of all my junk and circumstance- she is that to me. She may not think so, but she still shines.