Thailand trip

SO here we are
The morning to drop off the kids for my long awaited
Highly anticipated
Overly glamorized
Possibly sensationalized
Trip overseas
Hmmm
Okay so, call me a freak
36 year old virgin of overseas travel
Nervous to leave my children
WOndering if I should have done more
Special stuff
Written them hidden notes
Given them meaningful trickets
Organized their stuff better
I feel like God is having me deal with my fears
I feel like He is saying
You cannot serve me to your calling if you guard the fears in your heart
Rather than release yourself to me
I believe that Bob Marley was on to something when he said
"Emanicipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can fee our minds"
Father can give you grace to accomplish this?
Yes, but yours must be a willing journey to the altar or sacrificial death of self.
When I could not go on the medical trip to Cambodia cause I missed it by a school week, I felt reminded by Him of my "fear baby"
Like the tar baby that sticks to your hands in angry jabs
Fear baby held me back
I needed to choose freedom to trust His perfect will
To follow Him without orchestrating my own protective patterns
And false death
Replayed, looped on what-if-film
Today is a journey unlike any other in my life
Not for the geographic location
It is a circumcision of sorts
Yes, I will trust, increase my faith to trust.