Freedom Thoughts

Today, a funny thing happened. We were given a full size bed for our ten year old. On the way to pick it up, we ran out of gas. I called the house thinking how great it is to have my big girl back. She could come pick us up and take us for gas. No answer after like a hundred rings. I asked Joel, the chronic leave-the-phone-outside-guy, "Did you leave it outside?" When suddenly our eyes were drawn to the console in the truck. There sat my phone, Joel's phone and......the house phone. Okay plan B. Call Aaron our good buddy that is one of the most kingdom, neighbor friends ever. Voicemail. Plan C. Thank God for Plan C. Do you think Erica might be working in the CCRC to get her Art show together? Yes. Erica to the rescue. Mia to the rescue. Meanwhile, I was left in charge of the truck and trailer on the highway. When, in my solitude I began to hear this......


As I sit in the car, my mind wonders
I reflect on deep breathing instructions I have given to my patients
I believe deep breathing is important for health
Physically and spiritually
I take in several very long breaths and carefully release the air

I am alive
I am present
Aware of the noise
And the cars and trucks
Creating vibration against the air that pushes the truck
The mini rush as each airwave passes

I think of fear
Experienced by all who have been aware
Of their death as it comes
Of the last breath in this world
Then black out, white out, fade away

All those insecurites and uglies within like...
I never got to have that kind of wedding
Or those kinds of friends
Or that kind of house
Or money
Or this or that or the other

Means nothing
My ugliness and selfishness ripped away clean
Outweighed by the sweetness and love of my God, husband and children
Sublime connections and transference of energy
Between glory and painful bondage
Tender touch in times framed by remembrance

How can a word describe, how can a dance, how can art, how can this life express?

I hear little voices rising up from the silence.
"She is here, they exclaim!"
"We have been waiting so long."
They dance around me awaiting my complete or even partial awareness of my surrounding
I am celebrated and loved fully
Every point composing my being, matched and overcome

At first I am startled and disoriented
Then I slowly rise and look at he hands of my "body"
They are so delicate yet so commanding
I look at my feet bare and elegant
I notice the material against my "body"
It is fine, threads magnetically sewn together brilliant
I feel beautiful and powerful and tender and lovely
I feel peace and wonder and excitement
I feel no pain, no shame, no me in flesh
Just beautiful glorious freedom divine

Who knew there would be so much freedom in death of flesh
As I breathe a breath of life anew
Breath of God flow
Release what is true


Trish Trueblood 4 July 2007